Ok, so... do you remember your first HIV test (assuming we've all had at least one by now)? The amount of nervousness; the imtimidation, the trepidation? You went in; first with confidence, then with anxiety. As you sat there, waiting for the test, there was small conversation with the nurse mostly to alleviate the awkward moment. The "elephant in the room" being that you're having sex with people and not knowing their status is now quite obvious. The test is done. Now, you are confident, sad, optimistic, mad, never want to go through this again, and vow to always know your partner's status. This is just an HIV test; however, it's also 'life or death," "persecution or happiness."
This is the intro to my Covid experience. All of the feelings I felt testing for HIV, felt the same for testing for Covid. There is an abundance of anxiety and misinformation surrounding Covid; just testing for it, makes you want to drive off a cliff.
Imagine being positive. Who do you tell? Should you tell anyone? Will you survive? Will the people that came into contact with you survive? These are all the questions I asked myself.
I caught the virus, in the one place I let my guard down... the one place I did not wear a mask, my home. Certainly, I can let my guard down and walk maskless where I reside; WRONG. When you live with people, it's hard to know who is doing what, and who is being safe or unsafe. Apparently, someone had not been safe. Imagine wearing your mask everywhere, sanitizing, wearing gloves even, and still being positive for Covid. It is a total heartbreak. I will take you through the levels of Covid.
Level 1: You've Tested Positive
You are mentally destroyed. You are depressed; perhaps angry, and possibly feel as if you are near death.
Are you displaying any symptoms?
Yes; a small cough, mucus, a headache, loss of taste.
Do you want to tell anybody about it?
Maybe, the people you are and were in contact with. The thing is, you've gotten it; but it wasn't your fault. You hope that people will take that into consideration when you are explaining it to them. You hope your job is understanding as well. Imagine telling them you need them to pay you for two weeks, because you have contracted a virus, even if you were following all of the CDC and statewide guidelines?
Level 2: You are three-to-seven days in and over it.
You are in the same house of the people that got you sick. When you told your job about it, they acted as if they were "okay" with everything you told them, because it would be unlawful not to. Now, they have been calling you for updates, assessing whether you've gotten any worse so they are abreast of the situation. You have told everyone you came into contact with three days prior to test for the virus. Some of them are very empathetic and other are treating you like you have HIV or herpes on your skin. It is the lonliest place in the world. You are running out of things to do around the house. Wake up, eat, stay away from everyone else, watch TV, sleep, and repeat. You go outside for fresh air every now and then, but you really don't want to be seen. You are optimistic. You are depressed. You are angry at people outside living their lives. Why you? Why Now? I mean even when you didn't have it, you felt like you had it so what's so different now? The difference is now you have become the victim; you have become the "science project..." the mutant.
Level 3: You are 8-14 days in.
You are ready for it to end. Everything to end.
Level 4: You are no longer contagious. Hooray! You are finally out of the woods. You are still experiencing some of the symptoms; possibly a cough, mucus, or loss of taste. However, now you can go around your friends and family; WRONG. Anyone that you have told, now wants proof of your negative testing. Unfortunately, they do not trust the scientists or testimonials, because there is too much misinformation and controversy surrounding the virus. Does it survive on clothes? Does it survive on metal? Do masks even work... or gloves? According to the internet, it can stay in your blood for up to two months. What does that even mean? So, are people being released back to work positive? There are so many unknowns.
All you know is your experience with the virus; however, each experience is unique to that person. Which is why it is understandable that people are still afraid to be around you. You test again in the same count, 20 days after you initially tested positive, maybe because you believe you could be the exception. Your test comes back "presumbaly positive."
What does that mean? After advice from a registered nurse, you find "Presumably positive" means they have assumed because you were positive 20days ago, they presume you are still positive until your test is confirmed by the CDC. This means you could literally take the test one county over, and not have the same results. You take the test one day later, in the next county over, and you are negative. You had to pay $100 to prove what the test you have just taken two days ago should have proved. What a rotten joke!
My experience with the coronavirus was the most lonely experience I have ever had. I wish this on no one. It was my greatest time of uncertainty and darkness. Even now, I think about what the long-term effects of the virus are. We really don't know.
Can you avoid the virus? Yes; however, you would have to live in a bubble. You could not be in direct contact with anyone who explored outside. It is that contagious. If anyone has coughed and you have walked through it, or touched all over things you didn't know about; surprise you have it. By the grace of God, I did not get anyone infected that I was with three days prior to me testing positive; because I was very diligent about wearing a mask, staying six feet apart, washing my hands, and sanitizing around them.
If you have had the Covid experience, I applaud you for making it through. If you have not had the exprience, I applaud you for taking care of yourself and others around you.
We will get through this, but we must do our part. It is all a conspiracy until it happens to you or your loved ones; and do you really want to be the person to subtract a generation from your bloodline?
Everyone, be safe; and keep your masks on, please.
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